Why do you struggle to sit cross-legged? And does it make you a bad Yogi?

'I feel so bad when all the parents can sit with their kids cross-legged on the floor as I'm the only one who struggles.’ That's what my student, let's call her Debbie, recently told me. She also complained about her stiff legs and hips. Debbie dreams about becoming more flexible. Does she have any pain? No. Does her sitting problem bother or limit her in any other way than feeling awkward among others? No. Then why is she so obsessed with her legs and hips?

Most Yoga teachers will tell you that you're stiff because you don't stretch enough. Meaning: you don't try hard enough. If you worked for months or years, you could achieve any goal. You could do any contortionist pose: sit in lotus, throw the feet over the head, etc.

I have a surprise for you: this is totally WRONG!

You probably find it natural that not everybody looks the same: some people are taller, some shorter. Some have small, upturned noses, and some have 'Roman' noses. It should not come as a surprise that the shape and size of your bones are totally different from my bones.

And the shape of the bones decides our ultimate range of movement. Sure: you can work on your soft tissues, such as fascia and muscles. They are pliable and will change over time.

Sadly, you can't change your bones (well, unless you remove your floating ribs as Cher did). That means you won't be able to do some movements or poses. Period.

Let's go back to Debbie's example. She had trouble sitting cross-legged even as a child. Does it mean she was an unusually stiff girl? Of course not!

Your hip socket can be facing more forward or sideways. The hip-sockets position will make sitting cross-legged or lotus easier or more difficult. Debbie was unlucky to be in the second category.

As I said, it doesn't mean you are limited solely by your bone structure. What stops you most of the time is the tension in the muscles or restrictions in the fascia, the cobweb-like tissue connecting everything with everything within your body.

If you feel some tugging – it's a sign there is still work to do. If you feel your body 'gets in your way', you feel stuck, and have some pinching sensation – there is no point pushing. It won't change a thing! If you feel pain inside the joint- stop immediately! You're on the verge of hurting yourself.

I know, you don't want to be in the spotlight. It feels bad to skip a pose when everybody else can do it. So think out of the box and experiment. Go 'around' this limitation. You could use some props, or change the position of your limbs. Suddenly, the 'inaccessible' movement could become a reality!

If you can't sit with your legs crossed, sit higher up, on a big cushion or a thick block. You can also cushion your ankles if they painfully dig into the floor. Every problem has a solution.

A far too big section of the Yoga scene confused aesthetics with health and well-being. Don't care how you look in a yoga pose. Ask yourself instead: how do you feel in it. It's so much more important...

*For total anatomy geeks, I recommend wholeheartedly Bernie Clark's book: Your Yoga, Your Body